As reported here on the Brother Lapin donkey blog last week, Pope Francis published an important statement about the environment and climate change.
A specially released copy from the now disgraced reporter Sandro Magister was reviewed here by Rubí donkey during her Tuesday thinking day last week. Since then, most Catholics have carried on arguing about the Pope’s encyclical and Twitter has reported an unusually high level of traffic in intra-Catholic religious abuse, slander, legal action, blocking and unfollowing. A spokespheasant for Twitter said, “In global warming history we haven’t seen anything like this since Nicea in Fahreneit 451. ”
However, very little has been written about the huge advances made by Islamic State in curbing carbon emissions in Syria and Iraq.
ISIS supporters demonstrate against climate change in Raqqa, 2014
Among the many comments we have received here on the donkey blog regarding the Pope’s encyclical on climate change, Laudato Si’, the most interesting came from a donkey called Mohammed working with the Department for the Environment, Climate Change and Population Reduction, in the territories controlled by Islamic State.
Islamic State, also called ISIL or Daish by news agencies who like to show a nuanced understanding of acronyms and incomprehensible pejoratives, is a new developing nation in the Middle East supported mainly by voluntary contributions from European countries. Due to the ending of border controls in the Middle East to allow the free flow of Muslims, which reflects a similar movement across western European countries, a large swathe (sometimes pronounced and/or misprinted in the United States as a “swath” for reasons unknown) of territory across Syria and Iraq is now controlled by the environmentalist movement, Islamic State. The following is an exclusive Brother Lapin interview with Mohammed the donkey, for the Brother Lapin blog.
Mohammed the donkey
BROTHER LAPIN: I am very pleased you have agreed to talk to us, Mohammed.
MOHAMMED: Allah be praised and reduce the carbon emissions.
BROTHER LAPIN: Yes quite. Can I come straight to the point? Many people have said that this is a cynical response from Islamic State to try and gain the moral high ground. While Catholics still argue about the climate change encyclical from Pope Francis, ISIS are now presenting a united front against climate change and there is no internal opposition within your ranks.
MOHAMMED: No, because we have beheaded everyone who disagrees. That is quite obvious. Allah be praised. Beheading reduces population by significant numbers. Even your environmental papal scientist Hans Heinrich Scharnhuberhorst agrees that seven billion people need to be eliminated in order to achieve agreed carbon targets.
Most of these men say they are motivated to behead Christians because of carbon targets
BROTHER LAPIN: This is terrible! When you talk about reducing population that means killing people.
MOHAMMED: Yes, chopping their heads off. It doesn’t involve any carbon emissions at all.
BROTHER LAPIN: What?!
MOHAMMED: Totally carbon free.
Unnecessary human population on Mount Sinjar
BROTHER LAPIN: I want you to look at this picture of totally helpless people at the mercy of ISIS last August. How can you justify starving them, shooting them, enslaving them and generally committing – if you don’t mind me using the word – genocide?
MOHAMMED: It is environmentally sound. The Nazis called it “Lebensraum”. In fact, your Pope’s favourite scientist Herr Scharnhuberhorst – only last week appointed to the Vatican Academy of Global Warming Science – used that very word himself.
Hans Heinrich Scharnhuberhorst, the well known Malthusian
BROTHER LAPIN: So, to summarise: you are basically telling me that ISIS has a better environmental policy than the Vatican and mass murder is an acceptable answer to climate change?
MOHAMMED: The only answer, yes. Otherwise you are simply being dishonest. If you want to get the numbers down to one billion, as Herr Scharnhuberhorst and your Pope also advocate, then start beheading people. It is the obvious solution. Already we have many carbon free cities in Syria and Iraq with zero population growth and a complete absence of air conditioning. Only by returning the Middle East to the Middle Ages can carbon targets be truly met.
BROTHER LAPIN: I begin to wonder if we all wasted our time building up civilisation again after the Second World War.
MOHAMMED: Exactly. The Nazis would have met all the carbon targets and kept within one billion total population. Simples.
“Ello, ello, ello? Are you a traditionalist Catholic? For you the war is over.”